S and S for the Kids and Other Voiceless Citizens

Here’s the story:  Several years ago, I visited my daughter in Japan, who was teaching in the JET program.  It was a wonderful visit due to all the people who I was able to find a connection to, even if we didn’t speak the same language.

English: Map of the regions and prefectures of Japan with Titles. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I tried hard to be a good ambassador from the US, while knowing that I failed a few times.  Why did my brain cells remember the total number of miles of coastline, but forget the Prime Minister’s name?  Oh, it wasn’t a pretty site.  But I did know how to say “Thank you very much for a lovely evening” in Japanese.  That had to account for something.
I totally enjoyed being dressed by a professional kimono dresser, especially when we spoke of raising daughters and our aspirations for them.  We forgot we needed an interpreter, and my daughter got to imbibe in a lot of green tea, while two older ladies had a great time.
And then my daughter took me on a trip into the country, through a very long tunnel and into ancient times of castles and shoguns.  It was a beautiful sunny May day, just right for being a tourist at an old castle, tip-toeing through the tea rooms, and ringing the bell to wake up the gods to listen to our wishes.
I had noticed when we arrived at the castle, that there were a couple of school buses parked in a side area.  I saw a few children in their early grade school uniforms, yellow for girls, blue for boys, and then my daughter and I disappeared into the stone castle, exploring the artifacts of the now museum.

Minnie Mouse in Mickey Mouse Works (1999) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Thirty minutes later we emerged into the sunlight, receiving an ovation that is reserved for whole football teams or Justin Bieber.  We froze just as we stepped onto the castle’s landing–the applause and cheers couldn’t be for us.
We took a step back, out of sight and then peeked again.  The large polo-field was filled with yellow and blue uniformed children, who were totally engaged in looking right at us and cheering us on.  Another peek showed us that the children were actually being introduced to a very large Minnie Mouse.
My daughter and I took a deep breath, and quickly exited, stage left.  Once hidden again by the carved stone block stage, we looked back upon a sea of 5,000 children and their teachers.  No one could have threaded their way through the ocean of bodies and happy faces.  We left as the children began to sing, all 5,000 voices raised in singing the “Mickey Mouse” song.
Here’s the rest of the story:
Why not have a Sit and Sing at our local airports?  On Thursday afternoons?  Right when our legislators leave Washington DC and head for home.  Just think, every airport filled with singing children, sitting on the floor, having a great time and being supervised by their parents and teachers.  Just think how many children will need to use the restrooms?  We could put the boys in blue and girls in yellow t-shirts–they are so cute.

And then we too, just like the airlines, can inform people of all the children who have had to be turned away from Head Start and other early educational programs.  Children who no longer have access to food programs.  Children who do not have enough VOICES in Congress to protect them.  Perhaps when our elected officials are trying to pull their rolling luggage through singing children and they begin to get more out-raged people who can’t pull their rolling luggage through the children–maybe the Children will have a greater VOICE in Congress.
What do you think–can we have a summer of Thursday Sit and Sing at our airports?
Be gentle with our children–singing can overcome many challenges.

 

Honoring the Mothering in Mother’s Day

The flowers arrived on Friday (thank you to our youngest set), on-line cards pinging into our email (thank you family and F/friends) for two days; and now the BIG DAY–and Yes, the phone is ringing!   Mother’s Day–flowers, sweets, nice words, kind memories–for having and caring for children.

Wait–Wait!  Giving birth or adopting are two formalities that qualify for the destination of Motherhood.  What about all the PEOPLE who give and care and share and lobby and love and give some more?  Shouldn’t we be honoring the MOTHER in all that we do to provide for our children?  If it takes a village to raise a child, it takes mothering eyes, arms, legs, brains and hearts to do so.  And EVERYONE who participates is to be given that invisible merit badge that says MOTHER.
So the next time you see an older child helping a younger child, when you see a stranger look concerned that your child is safe, when you witness a person smiling tenderly at your adolescent, when you see an act of caring for a child by a person of color or ethnicity that is not of your own–all these quiet, unvoiced caring hearts are MOTHERS, no matter their DNA allocations.

Helping Hand (Photo credit: isafmedia)

       With this in mind, Happy Mothers Day–to all those who care and share and give and make commitments to the children–no matter the location, culture, age or circumstance.
Be gentle with our children–someday the world will be their responsibility.

 

Important Lessons from a Sandbox and Milk Bottle

While out walking with Layla, we happened upon a young mother and her (between 3-4 year old?) child.  Her bike, with a trailer, was awaiting her return at the end of the dune path.
In hooded sweatshirts, both mother and child were sitting spraddle-legged with four big plastic buckets in front of them.  Mom’s two buckets were almost full of sand.  The little boy’s buckets were about half-full.

“We have to re-supply our sand box each year,” said Mom.
Her son watched us, but did not add to the conversation.
“This is the best way to get our sand,” added Mom.
As we left Mom and Son putting more sand into their buckets, I was reminded of a time many years ago when my now 70-year-old cousin was visiting our Grandparents on their ranch.
“He won’t eat his cereal,” said Grandma.
“That’s not real milk,” said our six-year-old city cousin.
“Of course it’s real milk, Grandpa just milked this morning,” said Grandma, who typically had a lot of patience with all her grandchildren, but who was beginning to show a bit of fray around the edges.
“No it’s not,” answered our determined cousin.
“Well, it’s exactly what you drink every day at home,” said Grandma.
“It is not.  Real milk comes in bottles and the man puts them on your front doorstep and Mama puts the bottles in the refrigerator,” said our city cousin.
I remember everyone starting to laugh and I clearly remember the horror on my cousin’s face when he was told that those cows out in the pasture were the ones where milk came from—not the delivery man’s glass bottles.

I wonder how long it took my city cousin to enjoy cow’s milk again?
So back to our sand story.  I wonder how many children, playing in sand boxes all over the world, have ever had the opportunity to actually scoop up actual beach sand?  I wonder how much we all love that experience of building sand sculptures on the beach as related to the child in us who couldn’t quite get a big enough sand box to play in?
May your children experience the natural world, understanding and appreciating the beauty of original form.  Perhaps we will have stronger advocates for environmental sustainability if our children can be a part of that natural world.
Be gentle with our world and our children.

Practicing Simplicity: Inwardly and Outwardly

Dear Friends,
I’ve been thinking a lot about Simplicity.  One of my Quaker foundations is built upon the living of a life that is simple–needing little, taking little, using little, being always aware of my actions as being “right with the world.”       I’m constantly adding to my list of I Can Do Better.  You know that list.  Usually it has my mother’s voice somewhere in it, or at least my own voice to my children.  Sometimes the simple way is the much harder way; and at other times, the simple way is well . . . simple.
Being Right with the World helps to provide me with the clearer choice.  But it doesn’t always “fit” with being In the World.
Here one of my current dilemma’s:

English: Coryton Oil Refinery The tanks and jetties are part of Coryton Oil Refinery. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Much of our world is at war over oil.
THEREFORE:  Stop using so much OIL.  Which translates into reducing the usage of oil and gas as much as possible.  WALK.  BIKE.  Stay HOME.  But the family lives across the Continent from me–should I never see them again?  And if I do go see them, how do I use the least offensive transportation?
I should wear more layers in the house, to reduce heating needs.  What’s reasonable?  When I was younger I would cut the ends off of gloves and wear them in the house.  But I seem to feel the cold more than I use to.  My aunt who homesteaded in Alaska used her dog team to heat her log house.  No, I won’t even go there.  Can you imagine trying to decompose that much dog poop?
Baking and cooking take fuel.  It would be better to cook a large batch of beans (how much oil does it take to add beef to the pot?) and not cook from scratch every day.  I need to buy a WAVE oven (better for the environment and for me), but that means I would need to find a new home for my microwave, my oven and my toaster oven.  Maybe I should forgo the WAVE for awhile, until at least something breaks.
My computer was slowly dying, so I decided to not wait until it “cracked,” and now I have a new computer with an older version in slow death throes.  Should I have waited longer to buy the new computer?  I don’t need two computers.  And what about all that software that now has to be purchased, uploaded, updated, and the OMGosh–now I need a new printer and a new —–this isn’t going to quit is it?  But if I’m to be In the World, I think I need to have a computer.
By now you’ve gotten the unvarnished version of what it is like to live in my not-so-discerning world of being SIMPLE.  At the truth, I would have to say that I am unwilling, at this point in my life, to live a totally SIMPLE life.  I give great credit for those who have been able to make that leap–into “nurtured poverty.”  But alas, I’m not there.  I suspect that I will continue to struggle, unwilling to give into what my soul knows is right, but my body and heart find difficult.  Oh, John Woolman, did your wife live as Simply as you?
Be gentle with your needs, practicing simplicity as much as you are able.

36-60 Months: Motor Development Skills

There is a reason why we begin to play games with our infants and young children.  Games allow all of us to enjoy gaining new skills and new knowledge.  It’s fun and not a hardship.  Blowing on an infants tummy and watching his face glow into a large smile, followed by throaty laughter is fun AND our baby is learning that bodily sensations can be pleasurable, especially when shared with someone you trust and love.
Motor Development can often be a worry for parents when they suspect that their baby/toddler is not progressing at a “normal” rate.  From our good friends at the Washington State Early Learning and Development Benchmarks, we have the “Sensorimotor Skills” for children from ages 36-60 months.

 

Rolling Two By Two (Photo credit: jenni from the block)

 

Goal:  Children use their senses (sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch) to guide motions.

 

Some Indicators for Children:

 

• Physically reacts appropriately to the environment (e.g., bends knees to soften a landing, moves quickly to avoid obstacles)
• Integrates an understanding of a variety of concepts in conjunction with movement (e.g., imitates an animal through movement, sounds, dress, and dramatization)
• Catches a bounced ball
• Enjoys pushing objects, climbing ladders, swinging on a swing, and sliding.

 

Some Strategies for Caregivers:

 

• Play word games that use the body (e.g., “Simon Says,” “Follow the Leader,” or “Charades.”
• Set up an obstacle course of chairs, sticks, boxes and give directions such as “go over the box, under the chair, beside the stick.”
• Provide opportunities for safe rough and tumble play both inside and outside.
• Give child opportunities to run up and down hills and curvy surfaces.

 

Along the way, I learned that one of the best “fun” things to do is to have children roll down a hill.  Tuck in your arms and roll as far as you can.  Rolling at an early age helps to increase a sense of balance.  Who knew?  Rolling down a sledding hill counts the same as rolling down a grassy hill.
Be gentle and wise with yourself and your children.

 

The Most Influential Teacher

I spent a whole career having the wonderful privilege of being with kids.  From baby to late teen, I was invited to share in their journey into adulthood.  Typical of my learning pattern, I kind of went at it backwards.

 

English: Family of Great Crested Grebes. Two adults and two chicks sitting on a parents back. Other parent bringing fish. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

        First came my “in the trenches” experience, and then the academic “book learning.”  Sometimes this experience was helpful to my student application of what I was reading, but usually I had formed my own ideas and conclusions, which did not match with what my professor believed.  I often felt as though I had learned lessons that were not being written about by the academics.
One of the major lessons I believe I learned is the lifelong power of DNA parents.  Children gain many of their beliefs from their biological parents, without regard to if that biological parent is available to the child or not. This seems highly unfair to all the people who step into parenting roles without that strand of chromosome material that says “DNA.”  Don’t misunderstand me, non-biological parenting is extremely important and valuable, AND there is that BUT in there that says:  there are some beliefs that can not be overcome by substitute parents.

 

Children form their beliefs about themselves, their parents and the relationship between themselves and each parent that is based upon the actions of the parent.  For example, if a parent is absent, inconsistent, unable to put the child first at times, breaks promises, is unsafe (angry, risk-taking, dishonest, threatening),  the biological child will form beliefs that are extremely difficult to change by anyone else.
The biological parent that provides loving structure with clear expectations and praise will do a lot to decrease the power of the child’s negative beliefs from a parent who is unable to provide positive parenting, but the child will still harbor those negative beliefs.  The ability of one biological parent and/or non-biological parents to dispel those negative beliefs of the child is very difficult, and necessary.  Time, consistency, patience are all needed to help a child achieve a positive sense of self without the negative intrusion of the formed negative beliefs.
This is a very short explanation of a huge issue.  Suffice it to say that we need to respect the power of belief systems and where they arise.  Our most Influential Teachers of our belief systems are our biological parents, whether they are a part of our lives or not.  Whether we are adopted at birth, live in foster care, have divorced parents or have a parent who abuses substances–we all form beliefs that remain with us throughout our lifetimes.  We all need to know that we are loved (with equal parts of patience, gentleness, expectation and rules), held in esteem, are precious to our parents and are cherished.  When we don’t experience these qualities, we automatically begin to form those negative beliefs that impact in some way on our lives.
We all can do better as parents, and thankfully our children are quite forgiving.  Our children want to believe in us and look for the good.  Aren’t we lucky.
I will ask you to patient with yourself and your children, knowing that we all suffer the journey of missed opportunities and precious moments.
 

Love’s Valentine May Not Be Chocolate

“Love is not simply giving, it is judiciously giving and judiciously withholding as well.  It is judicious agonizing, struggling, confronting, urging, pushing and pulling in addition to comforting.  It is leadership.  The word ‘judicious’ means requiring judgement, and judgement requires more than instinct, it requires thoughtful and often pain decision-making.”
–M.Scott Peck, MD, The Road Less Traveled.

 

 

It is so much fun to be in the blush of love.  From welcoming a new baby into the family, to having a grade school crush, to saying, “I do.”  Love is the ultimate endorphin rush.  Happiness abounds, even with spilled coffee, tight timelines and dirty diapers.
LOVE always loses its first blush and isn’t so much fun anymore.  Stress, is well, stress.  Every day trudging becomes the norm.  Lack of sleep can’t be fixed with expectations for togetherness.  Is it really LOVE when you’d rather your spouse/partner/child go find a good book and leave you alone?  Does LOVE require you/me to always have to say “yes?”  Does LOVE look at my life and see all the changes I should make?
The work of LOVE is never-ending.
The fulfillment of LOVE can be enduring.
It is the work of LOVE that requires being “judicious.”  Not spiteful, overly honest, directive or stingy.  LOVE requires gentle caring for the body and S/spirit of another and for yourself.
It may mean that instead of giving chocolate to your spouse (who is struggling with weight gain or is pre-diabetic), you spend some time and write your own love poem.  It may mean that instead of trying to give a party for a classroom of six-year-olds (in-between the basketball game, the party at work and completing the report), you make cupcakes together for the family.  It may mean that you actually discuss with your partner a future date for romance, rather than “on the day.”  LOVE is creative and has boundaries. LOVE is being patient.  LOVE is self-reflective, with humor.
What does LOVE look like when the endorphins have vanished and the dog needs to go out at 2am?  What are we teaching our children about LOVE?
Be gentle with yourself and your Valentines.